By Tammy Shaklee, Founder, He’s For Me
To recap:
There’s a difference between the man you “date” and the man you would marry. As I said, “Gentlemen, if it seems and feels and makes you wonder if it’s too good to be true? It probably is.”
Men, it’s easy to interact with someone online. I sometimes question whether it’s become the great American pastime. Safe, passive, voyeuristic, and a daily dopamine rush, that keeps you feeling vibrant and youthful. Excited about the possibility of, “What if?”
But, if you’ll allow me to be painfully honest, here’s why I personally, but not yet scientifically, believe that 20-30-something men are giving you false hope.
Why is the cute young guy talking to you online? BECAUSE HE CAN.
And more than likely, IF he ever agrees to meet you, you offer to buy the drinks, the dinner, (the plane tickets, the resort fee, then often the bills).
All humans with a heart have a degreed fear of rejection. When you reach the dating age, your fear of not being chosen for the playground pickup game, transfers to the fear of not being chosen back by a potential love interest.
So at age 20-something (and in to 30-something), I see gay men enjoying the game of flirting, taunting, and teasing older (not in their league) men. It feels good to you. It feels good to them. They never experience rejection because each of you always starts falling for them. To the tune of hundreds of hours, which often turns in to thousands of dollars, and an investment of the heart, which is what can hurt the most.
Working with more than 1,500 men in our system, a majority of those interviewed over the age of 40 tell us of a personal story (or stories) of falling for the young one, and ultimately being taken advantage of. Daily, weekly, monthly, we hear it over and over again.
So while men seeking a long-term relationship are chasing the young, unattainable men, you are often ignoring the great guy right next to you in life, who would actually choose you back. Who would make a great boyfriend. A wonderful eventual husband. And even a quality father and co-parent to your future children.
Which brings us back to compatibility. While our clients range in age from 23 to 75, no man ever interviews in asking for a much older man to take care of them. Those are the men online. Those are what we call THE MEN YOU DATE. That’s free.
Instead, the men we interview ARE the men you marry. They are handsome, well groomed, impressively educated, respectfully raised, conscientious, mannerly, charming, and financially, mentally and emotionally stable. They are realistic about their ambitious goals in life, and their future with the right partner.
But until we invest time with a client through our unlimited dating coaching, they are not always realistic about the man who is going to choose them back.
My goal is to quickly distinguish between the man you date, and the man you marry. And let’s get you on a dignified, dutch treat, mutually impressive introduction with a bachelor seeking the same thing in life as you are. Then let’s give each other a chance for a second date. (And take stock in knowing that young thing online will eventually fall for his equal someday as well.)
With Valentine’s Day and month being the season for love, I encourage you to open your heart to a good guy who deserves a second look. Set your goal now to meet for a coffee or drink and appetizer, and open your mind that he could be marriage material. Would you be proud to introduce him to the friends and family who love you the most? Now we’re on the right track. Good luck!
For more information on traditional introductions, courting, and dating for today’s modern gay man, visit He’s For Me, offline, personal matchmaking designed exclusively for select gay men seeking a long-term relationship – at www.H4M.com and like us on the H4Mmatchmaking Facebook Page for daily inspiration on finding love. #loveislove
